The one about The Magic Rapport Formula

Dean: Hey, everybody it’s Dean Jackson.

Joe: And Joe Polish

Dean: And the Joe Polish. You know what, Joe? I’m happy that on this I Love Marketing episode, we’re going to talk about something that I’ve observed about you, my friend, over the years and years that I’ve known you. That is that you – I’m going to have to lower my voice to even say this – but you are the very best networker, connector, rapport-builder, friendly guy that I know. What’s amazing to me is I’ve observed it. We’ve both introduced each other to neat people. You have certainly introduced me to some pretty cool people. But what’s amazing to me is that not only do you know almost everybody that there is to know, that you can make friends with anybody, reach out and endear people to you. Then, not only that, get them to pay you $25,000 a year to just come and be in your presence 2 or 3 times a year.

Joe: Pretty spectacular, if I do say so myself.

Dean: It has been pretty spectacular.

Joe: Thank you. That’s nice of you to say that. And it’s kind of funny, considering I’m – by nature – kind of an introverted guy.

Dean: Yeah, we both are. But you get over it. I’m excited to kind of turn the tables here and talk about you. Because I know that it comes naturally to you. It appears to come naturally to you, but I imagine that there are some conscious things that you do, things that kind of drives your interactions with other people. I don’t know; maybe you could share some. Have you thought about making sort of some of the things that you do, whether consciously?

Joe: I do now. I never really thought about it all that much. I guess one thing that I’ve learned about people is one of their biggest, and this applies to me too, one of the things that you’re most skilled at doing, that comes naturally, a lot of times you could be blind to seeing it.   Like I don’t think a fish is aware of water, they’re just kind of in water. They don’t really think about water any more than most people really don’t always think about, “Oh, I’m breathing right now.” There’s air everywhere. What is most a skill set, I think, to a lot of people is also one of the things that they maybe don’t acknowledge as a skill. One of the things Dan Sullivan talks about is people give away their very best talents for free, in the hopes that they can sell a commodity.

To answer the question, I’ve thought about what I do, and focus on it more now as a result. People, especially over the last several years, have always asked me. “How do you do this? I see you with pictures of all these people, and you’ve got a lot of high-profile clients, and you’re meeting all these individuals.” I don’t run around calling myself “the Connector.” People tend to call me that. There’s a lot of people that run around calling themselves connectors because they want to be know for that, whereas I just kind of do what I do. What’s funny is that because we were going to talk about networking on this particular call, and meeting people and stuff, I actually pulled out some notes that I got from a lady named Fabian Fredrickson, who’s actually in my Genius Network mastermind group, the group you talked about that’s $25,000. We refer to it as the $25K group. My actually clients came up with that name, not me, because that’s what we charge for it. She interviewed me for a teleseminar; she wanted to actually talk to me about kind of what we’re going to talk about here: how do you meet people? How do you go on network, how do you connect with people?

I was just telling her some of the things that I do, that I’m consciously aware of, and some other things that I think I do that maybe I’m not really aware of. And she actually summarized what she sent me as the magic rapport formula. So, yeah, I kind of do have a process, and I know you just were emailed that list from our secret friend, who listens in on all of our I Love Marketing calls live. We won’t mention that person.   But I know that person sent it over to you. That’s kind of like the I Love Marketing sort of tooth fairy or something, I guess, in the back. The money fairy.

Dean: Exactly.

Joe: We’ll refer to that person as the money fairy.

Dean: Behind every, I Love Marketing is a secret tooth fairy. Actually 2 or 3 secret tooth fairies. We make it seem like it’s just us, but there’s the whole team that makes this whole thing come together.

Joe: Speaking of meeting people, here’s what’s kind of funny. As I’m sitting here talking to you, Stephen Covey’s partner is calling me on my cell phone, which I will not answer because it’s on mute. But I saw it light up on my phone, which is funny. So, there you go. But anyway, so she did an interview with me, and she asked me a bunch of questions. She came up with something called the Magic Rapport Formula, and she’s like, “This is what I heard you say. Let me repeat that back to you.” And I was like, “Yeah. You know what? that’s kind of what I do.” Let me define something, though, before we get going. A lot of people go to networking meetings, and certainly, that’s really valuable. We did that great interview on I Love Marketing, on a previous episode with Ivan Miser, who is the founder of BNI, which is the largest networking organization in the world. We talked about connecting and that sort of stuff on that particular episode.

What I really do, I have a thing called Genius Network, where I interview people. One of the reasons I interview people, and I think one of the reasons that I connect with people, one of the reasons I read self-help books and go to seminars and constantly am trying to educate myself, is I’m a seeker. I’m always seeking an advantage. I’m always seeking to figure something out. I’m always trying to learn something.   There’s 3 ways to learn: you can learn through your own trails and errors, through the school of hard knocks; you can learn through the experiences of other people, or you can learn by teaching people. All 3 of those methods work. But the learning from others is way more effective than going out… Like for instance, why would anyone in their right mind go out and try to figure out how to do marketing without reading a book or listening to this podcast or going to a seminar? It’s kind of stupid. It really is. No one listening to this would be offended because they’re listening to this, but think about all the people that just marketing could literally solve their financial problems, could save their businesses, could, in many cases, save their lives. Could lead them to so many things for their families, for other people, that could build communities, that don’t even have the psychological awareness to actually seek it out.

It’s out there. Any problem that a human being has, someone’s written a book about it. It may not solve their problem entirely, but they can certainly get guidance or direction, confidence and capabilities, if they just simply seek it out. I am a seeker, and I think I’m a different sort of seeker though, for a lot of people. I’m not saying I’m the only one that does what I’m about to talk about. I just tend to put more emphasis on networking. I don’t just want to network; I want to do what is genius networking. And our silent friend actually helped me come up with the terminology for this, because I created a thing called the Genius Network, where I interview people. It first started out with me simply asking questions. Asking questions to people about their skill, about what it is they do, and they talk. I learn, and I record it, and I distribute it, so that I’m not the only person that benefits from that knowledge or that wisdom.

So, I created this interview series years ago, and it’s called Genius Network. It started out as the Joe Polish Superstar Audiotape of the Month Club. But Genius Network kind of sounds cooler, I think. And Gary Halbert actually came up with that name, with me. So I’ve got to give credit to Gary.   It’s not just having a genius network; it’s being a genius networker and doing genius networking. So, you’re not just having a network of very smart people, which is much better than just having a network. You can go out and build a network or have a bazillion fans on Facebook or a million circles on Google Plus, or whatever. The point is I don’t want just mass quantity; I want the best quality. That’s what a genius network is. So, I think of going out, and networking is doing it at a much higher level, being a genius networker, so that I also deliver very valuable things to other people that interact with me. Part of what we’re doing with I Love Marketing is just we’re simply trying to be useful to a lot of people, that we know the vast majority of them will never give us money. And that’s fine, because it puts a lot of good stuff out to the world and life gives to the giver and takes from the taker.

Dean: Alright, well, let’s go through some of your the magic rapport formula.

Joe: Should I just say all of them and then we’ll come back and talk to them individually?

Dean: No, let’s do them one at a time.

Joe: Okay, you want to hold out, make people kind of wait.

Dean: Yeah, exactly. But I think it’s better to go one at a time.

Joe: Well, you know what would really be funny is if I actually did say them all, and then like they all sounded really exciting, except for like the one right in the middle, and then they would just stop listening to I Love Marketing, and they would never come back.

Dean: That’s no good.

Joe: That’s what you risk.

Dean: That is what you risk. I say we go, let’s say it, let’s just do one at a time, and then go deep on it.   

Joe: Okay.

Dean: Okay. You want me to say them?

Joe: No, I’ll say them. The first one. Here’s the thing. Let me point out that I’m not the one that came up with this terminology and description. This was someone who was actually interviewing me, Fabian, and she, what an interesting name too. Fabian, it took me a while. I still don’t always say it right. She’s cool.

Dean: I just did the same thing you did.

Joe: Yeah, she interviewed you. You meet her at my $25K group. Hey, go figure. Basically, the first one, and she came up with this of what I do, her interpretation of what I do, focus on how you will help them or reduce their suffering. So, one of the things I do actually think about is I tend not to have an entitlement attitude, meaning nobody owes me anything. The world doesn’t owe me anything. If I get anything out of my life, it’s a byproduct of me creating value first. It’s the whole kind of clique, “Don’t expect fire and warmth if you’re not willing to throw a log into the fireplace or the fire pot, or fire pit. I don’t know if there’s fire pots. But anyway, just let me rabble here. Focus on how you will help them or reduce their suffering, first. Don’t expect anyone to give you anything without creating value first. So I don’t ask anyone to do anything for me, if there’s not something in it for them. A lot of people walk around the world feeling like the world owes them something.

You have friends – or should I say acquaintances – that the only time you hear from them is when they need to borrow something or they need a favor, or they need a connection. But they don’t call you up, volunteering to help you and to be useful. Then when they call, you don’t really want to take their call because they’re not calling to give, they’re not calling to share, they’re not calling to be intimate and sharing a sacred safe space. If it’s in a love relationship or whatever, because this actually goes   way beyond business, they’re just calling cause they want something. It’s not a fair exchange. So, I always focus on how I can help people and how I can reduce their suffering, because there is a lot of suffering in the world. There’s a lot of anxiety; there’s a lot of mental anguish, there’s a lot of desperation, there’s a lot of pain. There’s a lot of sadness; there’s a lot of loneliness, there’s a lot of isolation.

Being in business and creating value, being an – if you want to call it – to be an ethical and run an ethical business, it’s really about eliminating the bad news of other people. Dan Sullivan always talks about other people’s bad news is your good news, and I like that comparison; because if you really think about what you do, we have all kinds of listeners of I Love Marketing, that do everything from repair automobiles, to do web design, to do speaking and book authors, to manufacturing products, to having retail stores, you name it. A lot of those businesses, their clientele has bad news, and they’re coming to them to sell them some good news, to eliminate a problem. If you’re a doctor and someone has a broken arm, that is a real bad news for the person with a broken arm, but it’s good news for you.

If you can fix them, then what would have happened had you not been around? What would happen if the world had no doctors or had not mortuaries or had no restaurants, or had no places that sold toilet paper? As ridiculous as that sounds, there’d be a lot of people running around with a hell of a lot more pain and anxiety. So, what does that have to do with anything? Well if you think about how you can put a smile on someone’s face. If you’re in a business, say you sell entertainment, you have a movie theater, if someone’s bored that’s bad news. But it’s good news for you, if you can have them come into your theater and they can watch a movie and escape for a little bit, or enjoy, or whatever. Or if you have a massage place.   A lot of businesses aren’t about saving the world; they’re just simply about making people happier, making people healthier, whatever. That’s one way to look at it.

The other part of reducing suffering is using humor. Even if I have nothing to sell somebody, one of the ways I can help people is, certainly, make them laugh, certainly goof around with them, tell them maybe a really filthy joke, or be totally sarcastic and bust on them a little bit. This sounds kind of almost like what I just explained, which sounds maybe really do good in the world and that sort of stuff, this may sound completely counter to that. I also understand that no matter how rich, how successful, how famous somebody is, there’s one or several areas of their life that are completely fucked up and that have enormous amounts of dysfunction or enormous amounts of pain and struggle. One of the ways to get people to open up is to actually go for that part of them.

Now, I don’t mean go for it in a cruel sort of way, I mean just kind of target it and open it up. It’s kind of like in the movie Gran Torino, where you see Clint Eastwood and the other character they’re in that barbershop, and that young Asian guy comes in. You see these guys just totally talking shit to each other, and they’re busting on each other, and they’re insulting each other. In a lot of ways, a woman is an example, and this sounds kind of stereotypical, most women don’t bond like that with each other. Guys will just bust on each other, sometimes to the point where it seems like really cruel. And sometimes it can be, but there’s boundaries. Your ability to go to a certain point has a lot to do with the rapport that you have with someone.

Your ability to develop rapport with someone, though, also has a lot to do with your ability to kind of be in sync with them, and their ability to understand where they’re at, the ability to be playful, the ability to be fun.   So, there’s a big difference between goofing around vs. really hurting somebody. I know that a lot of people have suffering and the more that I can get into rapport with them, built around the pain points, the more I can sometimes make them laugh. Both my parents are dead. I’ve had very close people to me that have passed away, that have had really horrible things happen to them. A lot of times, the only thing that one can do is to listen, and to sometimes tell someone, “It’s going to be alright, everything’s going to be okay,” when it’s not going to be alright, when it’s not going to be okay. There are certain things, just to be with them and just to comfort them, and just to listen to them. And sometimes, it’s like if someone’s really in just the dumps, it’s like “hey, I can’t handle it. I can’t handle it.” “Well, you are going to handle it, because you will.” And people do, for the most part.

There’s a lot to be said about suffering. The bottom line is focus on how you can help other people. Focus on what you can give to them first. Don’t expect the world to give you anything without creating value first. So, when I ask someone, like a famous person to do an interview with me, I either will buy something from them, or I’m already a client, or I will send them a really nice letter, I will have an introduction from somebody that knows them, that can make the introduction for me. I will do the interview not in a self-servicing way, but I intend on distributing it and sharing their message with lots of people. In some cases, like with Richard Branson, and I’m happy to talk about that later, people always ask me how did I develop the relationship with Richard Branson? Most people don’t know I invested 250,000 dollars upfront, into his foundation, which I wanted to do and I’m fully okay with supporting. Before I even know if anything would come out of it, I wanted to do that. So, I paid.   

A lot of times, people are like, “I want to meet this person! I want to meet this person!” It’s like, “Well, can you cut a check?” If there’s nothing you can offer them, then pay them, then hire them. Because a lot of times, if you don’t have a client list, you can indorse them to or share something with a foundation they may have or do something for their children, sometimes just pay them.

Dean: But that’s about, what you do, just the Richard Branson example that you’re sharing is you had a conscious thought of what’s important to Richard Branson, and what’s important to him is Virgin Unite charity.

Joe: Exactly. When I had dinner with him, which started with a $15,000 dinner, I actually gave him an idea at the dinner that he could use to distribute an educational message about his foundation, Virgin Unite, out to many, many people. And it’s the same idea that I gave to Bill Philips, which Bill Philips ended up using to raise money for the Make-A-Wish Foundation, which has made Bill the single largest contributor to Make-A-Wish in the history of the world, as far as I know. There might be another person that’s surpassed him, at this point or something. I’m not sure.

But, granted many, many wishes, raised millions and millions of dollars, and it was a marketing technique. It was a model that I had successfully shared with someone else that had successfully implemented it, so I shared it with Richard Branson. And as a result, he gave me his email. And that’s where the dialogue started. But I didn’t just stop there and send him an email saying, “Hey, do something for me, because I realized that this is Richard Branson. He gets hit up by a million people. It’s so funny; I even tell you how many people hit me up, trying to get to Richard Branson. I can’t imagine what’d be like to be Richard Branson. You know what I mean?

Dean: Right. Exactly. Yeah.   

Joe: It’s funny, because some people call me like, “Oh, I really want to get a message to Richard Branson. Can you deliver it for me?” And I will get anonymous letters sent to my office. When I say anonymous, I shouldn’t say anonymous, but people I don’t even know. And that all they’ll say, “Can you put me in touch with Richard Branson?” Not like, “Joe, here’s something that would be valuable for Richard Branson. And in exchange for doing this, I’m going to come to your conference,” anything. “I listen to all your stuff and I think it’s great. By the way, can you put me in touch with this person?” Not that that alone is going to do it, but it’s mind-boggling.

Dean: It’s going to be better than just, “Hey, put me in touch with this person.”

Joe: Yeah, and that’s how most people expect things. There’s a friend of mine that tells this story, and I’m going to probably mess it up, but he talks about like in Washington, DC there’s lobbyists and there’s people that will get in some sort of say legal trouble or investigation or something in the government, which would probably account for most politicians. But, anyway. And he said they’ll call someone and they’ll be like, “I have a problem, and I need you to call so-and-so, high-up politician in government or in law, whatever. You know this person. Can you do me a favor and make that phone call and help me out here?” So, the person will be like, “Yeah, I’ll make that phone call.” So, they’ll make a phone call, and they’ll call the person back 15 minutes later, and they’re like, “Alright, I made the call, and your problem is solved. Send me a check for $50,000.” And they’re like, “What do you mean, send a check for $50,000?!” And they’ll be like, “It took you 10 minutes, 15 minutes to make that phone call.” And the person will say, “Well, the phone call took me 10 or 15 minutes, but it took me 10 years to be able to make that phone call. So, send me the $50,000.”

Now, how often does that happen? I have no idea. Does it happen? I’m sure. Did I just hear that as an example of this? Yes, someone told me that. I have nothing pointed to any specific episode, but the lesson is powerful.   A lot of people that are really well-connected or are really smart, or have really successful businesses, or are really talented musicians, most people in life where not born on third base and think they hit a triple. There are certain people that are born into wealth or born in opportunity. But for the most part, most people work their asses off. If I’m going to ask someone, and I ask a lot of people that are really smart to do a lot of things for me, to do interviews with me, to connect with me, to speak at my events, to introduce to different people. I ask for a lot. If there is any secret here, ask. Let me not forget that 3-letter word, ask.

Dean: Get clear on what you want. Right?

Joe: What’s that?

Dean: Get clear on what you want, first.

Joe: Yeah. Wayne Gretzky, one of my favorite quotes by him is you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. So, you’ve got to be willing, of course, to take shots. But the point is I am really aware that people work hard and, in many cases, years, and in some cases an entire lifetime, to acquire the relationships, the knowledge or the wisdom. And that shouldn’t be taken for granted, nor should it just be handed over to someone because they want it. So, the first one’s focus on you’ll help them or reduce their suffering, and also build rapport with people by being aware of their suffering. One of the greatest examples of that is 12-step programs, which I’ve spent some time in.

One of my first jobs, as a matter of fact, when I was going to college – never got a degree, but when I was going to college – I used to actually work in a mental hospital, and I used to drive AA patients and NA patients, Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, to meetings. I would sit in these meetings and listen to these addicts and these alcoholics, these open meetings, discuss their addiction. And never did I know, many years later, how useful 12-step programs would be to me.   The thing is there’s prisoners of war. Back many years ago, they would go to doctors and therapists for help after they come out of war. Some of them with just being shell-shocked and traumatized, others with heroin addictions and various other addictions, and they would not get better. It wasn’t until they put these addicts in a room with other addicts that it started getting better. And the reason is because they had rapport because of the mutual suffering.

An alcoholic or an addict, and it doesn’t matter if it’s chemical or behavioral, like gambling or sex or overeating or whatever, when you put them across from another individual who’s been in the trenches, that’s gone through the same sort of suffering they have. There’s instant rapport that is built that rarely do they ever have that rapport with someone that doesn’t understand them. An alcoholic can be with someone, married to them for 20, 30 years, and not have any rapport at the level needed to really open up as they would in a 12-step meeting. This could be an entire conversation for 2 weeks, if we went deep with this. I can only touch on it. But the point is there’s a lot to be said about the power of connecting with suffering, as long as you’re able to transform it into something positive. Does that make sense?

Dean: Absolutely.

Joe: Okay, so you want me to go on to the next one?

Dean: Yeah, #2.

Joe: Okay, #2: invest time, money, and energy on relationships.

Dean: It’s kind of nice to have you pulling your weight on these calls here.

Joe: That’s very funny, actually. I tried to think, off the top of my head, what’s the proper way to respond to that, because you’re being very hurtful towards me right now, Dean.   The entire time we’ve been doing the I Love Marketing episodes, it’s sad to say you have been literally carriying this whole thing along, and here I am talking about giving and that sort of thing. You have been the ship that’s kind of kept this whole thing afloat. In spite of fact that my phone is typically better than yours and even before we got this call started…

Dean: That’s true. At least you sound better.

Joe: Right, right, right.

Dean: Not tonight, thought.

Joe: Yeah, because you’re on a great phone tonight. Anyway. Invest time, money, and energy on relationships. It’s kind of like we talked about in a previous episode about being in the transaction business or in the relationship business. If you want to develop relationships, not just acquaintances, not just a bunch of fans, but you want real true relationships, it does take time. And, in some cases, it does take money. If the relationship is worth it, be willing to do it. If you don’t have any money, that’s one thing, then you can spend time, you can spend energy. And there’s other ways; there’s other things that you can spend. But certainly, money can speed up the process. I’m not a big fan of multilevel marketing, as you know, and there’s a lot of people that can use really powerful direct response techniques to eliminate face-to-face selling and cold-calling and recruiting. And if they’re going to go out and recruit and build a down line in a multilevel company, there’s all kinds of things that they can do in advance that would sift, sort and screen the best prospects and all that sort of stuff.

But for the most part, let’s just assume, for a minute, that I actually like multilevel and I had some sort of say nutritional product or food item that I wanted someone to start distributing to their client base, and that person happened to be a chiropractor.   Well, what most people do is they’re like, “Well, how do I get into the front of a chiropractor?” They try all kinds of cockamamie ways to meet someone or get introduced to somebody. And my whole thing is, just schedule an adjustment. Spend a week trying to meet some person, and you’re going to come across as a total pest. Spend money and go get an adjustment and bring it up in the middle of the conversation. I’ve actually told friends of mine that, for some bizarre reason, want to build multilevel down lines, and sure enough they go and set an appointment with a doctor or a dentist or a chiropractor, whoever it is they’re trying to be the audience, and it actually does work. In some cases, it could cost as little as $40.

Anyway, invest time, money and energy on relationships, especially ones that are worth it. There are people in the world that are massive multipliers for your success, that could save you years of trial and error. And people will spend more money trying to save money. Without it being insulting, it’s just ludicrous how some peoples ability to understand and engage the expenditure of money towards a particular seminar, particular event actually is. One of my favorite sayings is, “The most expensive information in the world is bad information. You never get a good deal on bad information.” If you want the very best information, if you want the very best sort of connections, if you have the money, spend it. If you don’t have the money, figure out how to make the money in order to get it, because it’s a leverageable sort of behavior. So the third is be the type of person they would always answer the phone for. That takes a lot of soul-searching. One of the things that would be a good exercise for everyone, it’s kind of like a unique ability exercise that Dan Sullivan does.

There’s a book that Dan Sullivan has, though Strategic Coach, which is StrategicCoach.com. You can get the book it’s called Unique Ability. One of the things is you literally send a letter to 10 of your closest friends, or they could be clients, and say, “What do you consider my unique abilities? What are   my skills? What people respond back to you will give you a lot of insight into the value that they see you bringing to the world, that they see you producing. These are people that probably would answer the phone anytime that you call. If you think about people in your life that, when they call, you literally let it go to voicemail, or you click the button at the top of your cell phone and it immediately sends it into voicemail. Or you have one of those funny apps that immediately sends it into voicemail because you just never even want to get a live call from that person, think about why. What sort of energy, what sort of vibe does that person give you versus who’s someone that you always answer the phone for?

And it comes down to some people are energy chargers, and some people are energy drainers. What are the parts of you that drain energy? What are the parts of you that give out a vibe that someone doesn’t want to answer the phone? In some cases, it’s good to read the book How To Win Friends And Influence People, classic book, great. It’ll teach you a lot about how to build rapport and how to have people simply want to be around you. Of course, you can read books all day long; it’s until you actually go out into the world and interact and really strive to create value. There’s little techniques, like send out 10 postcards a day to your network, keep track of everyone’s birthday. Even if you happen to have a belief system that doesn’t believe in birthdays, still do it anyway, because it’s good for marketing. You can just sign it just one of those business activities we do, if you want to look at it that way. But I really take to the level of being really serious. It’s cool to get birthday cards. It’s cool to get a real one.

Dean: You have to admit you do do that. I get birthday cards. I’ve gotten lots of great stuff from you.

Joe: I’m not perfect. I’m sure there’s one person on here that it’s their birthday, that’s on my list, that I might have forgotten. They’re going to be like, “Bullshit, Joe doesn’t   really do that.” I really actually do do that. I systematize it, and I send out thousands of Christmas cards.

Dean: I have received Christmas cards from you and the whole, yeah. You’re a thoughtful guy.

Joe: Thank you. That is funny. Some people are going to disagree with that. They’re going to be like, “Thoughtful, my ass.”

Dean: I’m speaking from first-hand experience.

Joe: Yeah, and that’s also because I like you. You’re a very handsome fella. That would be one of the things that I do. And then, the next one would be useful, grateful, and valuable. I am always thinking about how can I be useful to this person, even if I’m never going to see them again. Go back to I Love Marketing. We’re being really useful to a lot of people. Some people may not like the content all the time; some people may disagree with some of the things we say. I just saw it on my desk today, but you remember how we did an episode, a couple episodes ago, where we were talking about Stretch Armstrong? And I think I made a comment like, “Someone send me a Stretch Armstrong.” One of our listeners, and I’ll mention this person on a future call, and I’m going to do a video for him and everything, but one of our listeners actually sent me a Stretch Armstrong. I’m like, “Where the heck did they find this?” And they’re like, “Dean and Joe, we love I Love Marketing and can’t wait to be at your conference.” And I just thought, “What an amazingly thoughtful, awesome thing to do.”

That was on a particular call when we where talking, I can’t even remember exactly what we were talking about, because I’ve got ADD. One of the things that we where talking about was just connecting with people, and sending wild gifts and stuff. Like me and Marty Edelston, the founder of Boardroom…   

Dean: Yeah, we talked about that. That reminds me. I just got home. I was in Washington, DC for a few days, and I just got home, and there was a package here from you, that somebody had sent to the office, a nice picture, a framed picture for me.

Joe: Yes, and that was from, oh boy, what is his name? It will come to me. Victor. Victor, who is a magician and sings for kids and stuff, and listens to our… This is like driving and talking on your cell phone at the same time we’re doing an I Love Marketing call. VictorPacini.com. He actually made a framed picture of cats and cheese, based on our cat-and-cheese episode that really is your stick, that’s when you’re kind of running the show. But that was very nice. He’s coming to the conference.

Dean: Thank you, Victor.

Joe: Yes. And I met him for lunch, and he was doing a thing to get schools to recruit him. I think I read, on the last call that we did, he wrote, “The dollar bill worked, going to basically showcase in front of the 1,200-school district staff, can get up to 8 schools for this. Thanks. Planning on coming in September.”

Dean: I’ve experienced being with you both on the phone, when you’re with somebody. You’re a guy who probably conducts more 3- and 4-way calls than anybody I’ve ever experienced. Like your immediate thought is, when you’re talking with somebody, “Who can help this person? Who could I introduce them to that would help them?” And you immediately dial up somebody on speed-dial. And, of course, because you’ve invested into the relationship and you’re the kind of person that they’ll answer the phone for, you can connect anybody with one phone call. I’ve experienced that. You’ve been with somebody who you thought maybe I had an answer for them or something, and you introduced us right away. I’ve been with you where we’ve been together with people, and sometimes people don’t get what you’re offering.   I’ve seen you sass people like, “What would be the next level for you? What do you need? Who could help you kind of thing?” And they’re reluctant to even say.

Joe: Yeah. Well, I’ll tell you this, too. And a lot of it has to do with rapport, and a lot of it has to do with alignment. I believe in, and this is one of the things that Fabian actually, the way she worded it, is I give value on the spot.

Dean: That’s what it is. Value on the spot. Perfectly said.

Joe: When I think of something like, “Oh, this person could really benefit from knowing this person,” or “these people could do a business deal together,” someone expresses to me that they have some sort of pain, some sort of need, some sort of opportunity. I kind of scan the rolodex in my brain and think, “Oh, I know this person,” and call them now, not, “Oh, I’m going to send an email to both of you.” What kind of bullshit is that? “I’m going to send an email to both of you.” Not that you shouldn’t do that, but the point is make a phone call, if you’re right there. Or send an email right there, and follow it up. Make it happen. How many people have gone out there and just sort of put it out into the ether, and then forgot about it? There was no follow-up.

I have a friend, Glen Morshower, who’s an actor. He was on every episode of 24; he was in the Transformer movies. His name, a lot of people don’t know Glen Morshower. If you saw him, though, you would know him, because he’s played more military roles than any living actor and he’s just a fantastic guy. He says things like people say that, “Oh, we need to get together and talk. We should get together and do lunch.” And his whole thing is like, “Well, why don’t we do it now?” It’s like, “Oh, we really need to get together and talk.” And, of course, if there’s time, he’s like, “Well, yeah we should. Let’s talk now,” or, “Let’s talk tomorrow,” or “Let’s have dinner tonight.”   And people will spend more time talking about getting together or talking about what they need to talk about, than if they were just to say let’s talk about it like now.

Dean: We had that happen just yesterday.

Joe: Yes, exactly. It was an example. I’ve got a $25K meeting in New York City, in about 3 weeks, and Paul Zane Pilzer, who’s one of the top economists in the world, is speaking at it. So, I was on the phone with Paul for about 30 minutes, kind of going over how he’s going to come and present, and then we’re going turn off the mic, and we’re going to do a wild Q&A session about 10 things about the economy that people don’t know. And this is a guy who was an adviser to the Reagan administration and very politically involved, sharp as hell, and great interview. I remember the one years ago, with Tony Robbins and Paul Zane Pilzer, which was awesome.

He’s written a bunch of best-selling books, that sort of stuff. Paul, who operates in the same sort of speed, we said, “Well, let’s do a quick interview on a teaser of what you’re going talk about, and we’ll send it out to people that are coming to the meeting, so they’re aware, and people that are think about coming to the meeting.” So he did, we did it right there on the spot. I called you, and I said, “Dean, can you record this for us?” because you’re actually better at that than me, believe it or not.

Dean: And you’re the kind of guy that I answer my phone for.

Joe: Yes, you did. And by the way, I did have a backup, in case you didn’t do it, but I was more comfortable and had better rapport with you than the other person that could have done it right there, on the spot. But yeah, I acted literally within 5 minutes. “Can we do it now?” Because this is a guy who’s very expensive, and very much in demand. This guy’s been on the cover of a 100 magazines; Wall Street Journal, everything. A lot of people don’t know him, if they’re not into economics or whatever. But for the most part, this is a very famous dude.   Yeah, we did it right there on the spot. And many people, like him, would go through assistance after assistance, after assistance. And they would spend more time thinking about a 30-minute interview, which I don’t even know how long it was that we did, but they would spend more time, mental time, thinking about it, planning, than to just do it. And he understands that. So he’s like, “Let’s do it.” So, we did it. That’s a perfect example. So, create value on the spot.

Going back to being useful, grateful, and valuable, you can have all the relationships, all the opportunities, everything in the world, and one feeling, skill, emotion, whatever you want to call it, it’s really not an emotion, it’s part of an emotion of maybe joy, is gratitude. Because all the relationships and the money in the world will mean nothing to you if you don’t have any gratitude. I tend to really do my best, and it is not natural for me. You said something really interesting to me, years ago. Maybe not years ago, but a couple years ago. You said, “Some people just have a predisposition to wake up every morning and be happy, and other people have a predisposition to wake up, and they’re pissed, and they hate the world.” Like you and your wife are pretty kind of happy-go-lucky – to use that sort of cliché – sort of people.

Dean: Right.

Joe: Your wife is just like perpetually happy, which is ridiculously annoying to me. But she is. Whereas me, I don’t always wake up like, “Yeah, world, I love you.” It’s not like that. There are times where I wake up feeling kind crabby. And I think as years go by…

Dean: I’ve experienced that, too.

Joe: With me or me with other people? What are you saying?   

Dean: With you, yeah.

Joe: Why do you have to be like this? I don’t get it.

Dean: I stayed at your house. I was fearful, sometimes.

Joe: I think as much stuff as I’ve done with the human mind and all the psychiatrists and people that I know, and a lot of them are clients of mine, I think they’re going to more and more find, genetically, some people are just wired to be unhappy. You work on that. And one of the ways to work on it is to really focus on gratitude. Again, to plug Dan Sullivan, he has a great audio which is absolutely worth getting at StrategicCoach.com, called the Gratitude Principle. It’s simply a process of identifying, every day, what you’re grateful for, the reason why you’re grateful, what further progress you can make, and what’s one specific action you’re going to take. It’s very much like his positive focus exercise. If you do things like a positive focus every day or you do things like really focus on gratitude, I simply think you’ll not only be happier, but you’ll be more valuable, you’ll be more useful. And you’ll appreciate all of the things that many people miss because the ears only hear and the eyes only see what they’re looking for.

If you’re looking for reasons to be pissed off, or you’re listening for things that you don’t like, guess what? You’re going to hear them. It’s like Henry Ford said, “If you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” I just really try to think how can I be really useful for someone? That’s why I don’t sell stuff to my clients that will make me money but won’t be of use to them. That’s why I don’t spend a lot of time selling information products to people that I know are just opportunity-seekers. Not that opportunity-seekers aren’t buying my stuff, because clearly, I think every entrepreneur is a “opportunity-seeker,” but what I mean is I don’t sell things. I don’t promote things that I don’t think are: 1) top-notch, and 2) that aren’t aligned with the direction that my clients are wanting to go.   I have maintained, up to this point, a pretty darn good track record. I have thousands of very happy clients, and I’ve not pissed off a lot of people. I’ve create a lot of raving fans, and it’s simply is because I’m always trying to be really useful.

When I first started selling my first marketing program to carpet and upholstery cleaners, as I was developing it and creating the instructions built around the strategies that I had successful used to take me from being a dead-broke carpet cleaner living off credit cards to actually turning that business around and becoming an adviser to that industry. I thought of, “Let me create what I wish had existed when I was going though my version of the living hell, trying to make my business work, so that people would not have to go thought the same crap that I went through. Since I figured out strategies and methodologies to get me out of it, how can I provide the same sort of thing? It was all about just being useful to other people. This ain’t rocket science here. Someone might be listening and going, “You haven’t said anything I don’t already know.” It’s like, well as Stephen Covey says, “To know and not to do is not to know. To know and not to do is not to understand.”

So, people think they understand things, they think they know things, but they’re not doing these things. Emerson, with an other great quote, because I tend to love quotes, if people have not picked up on that, he says, “You asked for a new idea when you haven’t used the last one that I gave you.” People run around, “Oh, I need a new idea.” What about the one that you just had that you didn’t use? Maybe try thinking and understanding that one. Okay, any questions? Anything you want to say? Or do you want me to keep…

Dean: This is great. It’s been great to observe these and see them in action. And now to hear the kind of codified like this.

Joe: Yeah, well, thank you. Okay, so the next one, #5 I guess is where we’re at, it’s treat others as you would love to be treated. Not do onto others as you would do unto yourself but, treat   others as you would love to be treated, not just like to be treated, but really do your best to wow people. Sometimes, wowing them is not about sending a stick letter with a dollar bill attached and calling up and saying, “Thank you.” That helps, and that’s all useful, but in all areas of life. Try to be the person that people, at the end of their day say, “Man, I’m glad I ran into that person today.” Or they can really remember that interaction. Sometimes, that’s simply being memorable. Like our good friend Sean Stephenson, he’s great at acknowledging people; he’s great at making fun of people in a way that makes them laugh.

But simply, don’t sell stuff to people just to make money. Think about the person buying what it is you’re selling as if it was your mother, or your grandmother, or your brother or sister assuming these are, because some people may hate their mother or their grandmother, their brother, their sister. So don’t identify with people you hate and then treat them that way. Not a good way to operate. Really think about your best friend, think about people that you really care about and how would you treat them? Treat people that way. One of the greatest things to develop as a marketer is empathy. Having empathy for other human beings. If you think about your very best friends, you give them a lot of slack. You let them get away with shit when they’re being stupid, every once in a while. You give them slack. So, give yourself some slack, but also just really try to operate in the world where, don’t do stuff to people that you wouldn’t want done to you.

It’s amazing. I might have mentioned this on a previous call. I can’t even remember last time this happened. It was 3, 4 months ago, where something was left in the bottom of a shopping cart when I was at Whole Foods, and I went in and I’ve done this probably, I’m not kidding you. There’s things that have not been charged that I’ll say, “Oh, they didn’t charge me for this.” I’ll say, “Oh, there was 5 avocados, you only   charged me for 4.” And they’re like, “Thank you. Thank you for mentioning that. Nobody mentions that.” There something left on the bottom of my cart, I think it was water. I went back in the store, and they’re like, “No one ever does this.” And I hear this. I’m like, “What the hell?” If you know it, and you’re walking out there, it’s stealing. It’s kind of like that story of the father with the 12-year-old son and the 13-year old son, and he goes to a movie theater and says, or whatever, the age of when they get the child discount. Let’s say it’s a 13-year-old son and a 14-year-old son, for the sake of my story here. And the person behind the counter, he goes up, and he says, “One child and 2 adults.” And the guy says, “Well, sir, I wouldn’t have know that your other kid was an adult. You could have said a child, and you could have got a discount and saved money.”

And the father says, “Yeah, I know that, and you know that, but he would know that also. And the point is I’m not going to sit and teach my son how to be a thief and how to lie.” I say that as an example; but if you really think about your own life and what it is that you do, don’t hang around dishonest, negative, or lazy people, because you can pick up their traits. And secondly, treat others as you would love to be treated. I just think it’s a good way to operate. Be nice to people that you meet on the way up; they’re the same people you’re going to meet on the way down. And if you ever mistreat people, life is a boomerang and the boomerang, there are people that are out there fleecing people, that are ripping people off, that are being old and stupid or young and stupid, and they’re getting away with shit.

I see people that they spend a lot of money and they just try to act like they’re so damn cool, but they’re doing stuff that really isn’t all that cool on how they make money and how they operate. I just sit and think about, 5 years from now, 10 years   from now, you better enjoy it now because you are just planting the seed. You are making your bed a certain way. Agree or disagree, I believe there’s a karmic force out there, and I believe nice guys do finish first. It may take a long time, but even if they don’t, being able to go to bed at night is way more important than making a bunch of money by being an asshole or scamming people.

So, #6: avoid formalities, be fun and memorable, not boring. People, if anything, just need to lighten the hell up. I do not like corporate mentality and how uptight people are and how fake people are. Be a freaking human being. Make jokes. You can sit across the table from someone, and if you can’t laugh with them why would you want to hang out with them? You sit and look at people that will go to dinner together, and they don’t even converse, and they’re not even laughing, and you can gauge the value of a relationship by how often you laugh with somebody. Some people, they’re just wired not to have a good sense of humor. And in a particular situation like that, I think it makes sense to develop it, even if you have to go to clown school or take improv comedy. And I’m not joking. If you have no sense of humor, go and rent comedy DVD’s or go on Netflix and download a bunch of crazy comedians, or listen to funny stuff, or literally go to clown school. I don’t even know where the hell clown school is, but you can probably find it online. You might have to go to some weird city or something, but do it. Go to a comedy club.

Dean: You’re just naturally like that, too. I know that you make a conscious effort of it, but that’s part of the fun of hanging out with you is we just make each other laugh so much, too. But going to restaurants, my favorite thing this going to a restaurant when we go see the hostess to get seated or whatever and there’ll be 2 people at the counter, and it’s   like your favorite opportunity. I think the last thing you said was asking to 2 girls, “So, who do you think would win between you 2, in a fight?”

Joe: Yes. Where were we? Where was that, was that in Toronto?

Dean: No, I think we were at some breakfast place with Jon Benson.

Joe: Oh, yes. Okay. Yeah, I’ll tell everyone a way you can mess with people that actually is quite funny. And, of course, you’ve got to get the delivery down, so that you don’t come across as creepy.

Dean: And you can keep a straight face.

Joe: Totally. Yeah. So I’m like, “You guys friends with each other?” And they’re like, “Yeah, we hang out.” And even if they don’t, I don’t care what they say; I’m still going to say the same line. I’ll say, “Well, if you were to get in a fight with her, do you think you could take her?” Look at one and don’t really look at the other one, say, “If you were to get in a fight with her,” and you kind of point to the other one, “do you think you could take her?” You just pause long enough for them, and they’re really like evaluating this. And it’s funny. And usually, the other one will stick up for the other one. I’ll say, “Hey, either of you funny?” And one will say, “Yeah, right.” And say, “Well which one of you’s funnier?”

Dean: Who’s better.

Joe: And that sort of stuff. And another thing I always do, and it’s not about the line, it’s about the reaction. If there’s a tiny little piece of food or just something like you’ve eaten a meal, and there’s like a stack of rice or something, or a little bit of rice or salad or whatever. At the end of the meal that waiter, the waitress will come up to you, and you just say, “Can you box this up for me?” They have to literally sit and evaluate it. They don’t know if you’re serious, if you say it seriously. And I have said that, I kid you not, hundreds of times, and it’s so funny. And it’s not funny because of the line; it’s funny because of the reaction. And it makes people laugh. To me, the best   thing is I really want to amuse myself. Even if people don’t think my own jokes are funny, shit makes me laugh. But it makes them laugh. And most of the time, it makes them laugh a lot, and they remember you. And you’ve just added value to somebody. Making someone feel better is creating value.

You remember the thing, some of the comments on our I Love Marketing site? We were doing an I Love Marketing call, and we were talking about value, and someone asked, “What is value?” And I literally went to Wikipedia, and I posted the Wikipedia link explaining value, and then value as it relates to marketing, and I also suggested that they talk to some of their own clients to ask them why do they buy from us? What is in you? And you’ll identify what value means in a business environment. But value’s way beyond business. Value is being the person that you will answer the phone for, that they want to answer the phone for, because they find you valuable. If they will hang up or they don’t want to talk to you, it’s because it’s more valuable for them not to talk to you at that particular moment than to do so. Part of this is learning how to read people. A lot of it is social interactions, a lot of these are skills that you can develop. But you know what? Lots of books, lots of seminars that can help you with this stuff, but you learn how to do it out in the real world.

I always think of my friend Dave Kekich, who’s been in a wheel chair for over 30 years, paralyzed from the chest down. And he’s like, “Life is seldom as bleak as it seems when it’s going bad, or seldom is good as it seems when it’s going well. Lighten up; you’ll live longer.” If nothing else, lighten up. If you need to have a 5-minute wallow, where you’re just like, “Oh, life sucks! It’s horrible!” give yourself 5 minutes and then be done with it as much as you can. I’m currently right in the middle of one of the most painful split-ups of a friendship that I’ve had in a long time. A real just like wow. Somebody that was really   close to me, a dear friend, did something that I could not believe this person did this. It’s really irked me, I mean a lot over the last couple of weeks. Several nights where I’ve literally been not able to sleep, I was so taken back.

I have to grieve the loss of this relationship, and I have to really think it through and talk to someone. But I reach out to people, and one of the things that helps is humor. Just constantly keeping myself in a state of laughter. There’s a famous book called The Anatomy Of An Illness, where this individual watched comedy movies will they where sick and got themselves well. So, humor is a great thing to do. So, as it applies to business, avoid formalities. People are so freaking uptight; it’s just ridiculous. And then, don’t be boring, because boring people are boring. And that’s all I have to say about it.

Dean: They’re memorable.

Joe: Yeah. They’re memorable when you get a phone call from them, and you’re like, “Screw this nonsense.” So #7 is appreciate people. Everyone wants to feel significant. That means follow the referability habits from Dan Sullivan. Show up on time, do what you say you’re going to do, finish what you start, and say please and thank you. Show up on time, do what you say you’re going to do, finish what you start, say please and thank you. If you don’t do those, you could be really talented, really skilled, really smart, really a lot of things, but you will not be perceived as dependable, respectful, appreciative of someone’s time, effort, presence, all that stuff.

People do want to feel very significant. It’s a lonely world out there for a lot of people, and a lot of people have thankless jobs. If someone opens the door for you, say, “Thank you.” Be nice to everyone, from cab drivers to busboys, to store clerks, to janitors, to anyone. I’m amazed at people that just are rude to people that have kind of lower-level sort of positions   compared to them. If I actually hang out with someone and I find them being rude to like wait staff or not appreciative, I literally don’t maintain that relationship.

Dean: I always get shocked by that. You never see that coming with some people, do you? I’ve been with people who it’s really shocking to see how they treat people.

Joe: Yep, exactly. It’s amazing to me. The thing is like send thank you’s whenever someone does something for you. When someone extends themselves, make sure you always remember that. Send people birthday cards. One day, this is going to be the last day of your life. You go to funerals, and you have all these people saying all these wonderful things about other people, about how great they were and how important they where to them. And it’s like say those things to the people while they’re still alive. I was a primary caretaker for my father the last year of his life, and he had a slow, painful death. His last days were in hospice, and those people in hospice were unbelievable, because they’re surrounded by death all the time. They’re just special people. I would bring those women, mostly women, gifts. And I would bring them things even after my father pasted away, because I didn’t want them to ever forget that I cared about what they did. They did things that I could do myself.

And I didn’t have a great relationship with my father. There was a lot of distance for a lot of years, because he was a really tormented sort of guy when my mother past away when I was 4 years old. So, he had a hard time connecting, because he had a really painful life. When I had a chance, though, I said as much as I could say. Do I wish I was more connected? Looking back now almost, it was back in 2003 when he pasted away, yeah. But you know what? People are doing the best they can at any given time. Even when people are doing rotten things, as hard and as weird as it is to say this and hear this, most people are doing the very best they know how to do, even when they’re doing shitty things. So, I have a level of empathy for that. And I also know that, if anything, there’s a lot of people that are doing good things in the world, and are   really doing the best they can. Appreciate them for doing business with you. Appreciate them for working, for providing services and their time and their energy. All of the great advancements of the world should be celebrated, and all the achievements should be celebrated. And when someone buys something from you, appreciate them.

If they’re not a nice person, if they’re not a great client, one of the ways you can appreciate them is sending them off to someone else that could give them a better opportunity, i.e. fire them. When I say appreciate people, that doesn’t mean take shit from people that are abusing you. I’m talking about people that are out there really trying to add value. Let them know that. And acknowledge them, because people will blossom if you do that. And be the person that is a sprinkler. Be a fountain, not a drain, because there’s plenty of drains in the world.

Dean: Right.

Joe: That’s that one. The other one, of course, #8, is give value on the spot, which we talked about.

Dean: Yeah, we did talk about that.

Joe: Yeah, so what I would say is look, if you know someone that could help somebody and it’s going to be a good fit, don’t turn somebody on… It’s kind of like if you have a scummy male friend who says, “Hey, do you have any women you could introduce me to?” And you know all this guy wants to do is get laid. You’re not going to introduce him to one of your girlfriends that wants a relationship. That wouldn’t be a right fit. That would not be giving value on the spot. So, what’s I mean by giving value on the spot, if it’s a right fit, and someone has a problem, and you know someone that could solve that problem, give it to them. If someone is having challenges or something and you can give them advice, please do so. I know people that are worth hundreds of millions of dollars, that you can   sit in their presence and they will not volunteer anything. They keep it all close to their chest. And I’m just like, “What the hell is wrong with you?” You know something that could help someone, say it.

People that you have to pull information out of them, they’re not free with it… I don’t sign nondisclosure agreements, hardly ever, of people that want to consult with me about an idea of theirs, they want me to sign a nondisclosure for me to do consulting with them. Because I’m a really expensive consultant now, my current rates are $25,000 for half a day. I’ll have people approach, and they’ll be like, “Yeah, we’re thinking about hiring you and would like you to sign this nondisclosure before we share the idea with you.” And I’m like, “First off, if anyone should be signing a nondisclosure, it should be you guys signing something because of the shit that I’m going to tell you, you don’t know. And secondly, most of your ideas, there’s nothing new under the sun.” Because I come across, as do you, Dean, a million of the worlds greatest ideas but they don’t have any marketing to get them out there, so it doesn’t matter, because the great ideas of the world will never go anywhere without good marketing and good packaging and stuff.

And that’s not to say nothings proprietary and that there shouldn’t be a situation for nondisclosures. It’s rare. The point is like if someone’s never going to hire me, and you’ve seen me at restaurants, you’ve seen me out where someone just has a marketing challenge and sometimes I’ll say, “Hey, listen to our I Love Marketing podcast,” or “Let me write down a book or a website for you.” Or, “Here’s a person that you could call, that I think would be really useful and really valuable.” People say, “How do you put all these famous people into your $25K group and get them to give you money? Well, for the most part, it’s because long before I started a $25,000 group, I actually created value with the people, and they already know me as somebody that provides value. And then when it came time for me to actually start a   group where I charged $25,000 a person for it, most of these people already know the value they would get from me because I’m doling it out for free all day long.

And they’re like, “Well, God, if he give me this much for free, what would I get if I actually paid him and actually spent 2 days in an environment that he facilitated?” And do you know what the response is to that? Exactly. Even when I had my carpet cleaning business and their was no internet, one of the very first things I created was my consumer awareness guide. And if people really want to understand education-based marketing, almost all of our marketing podcasts, we do talk about this technique, because you use it, I use it. One of the ways to give value on the spot to prospects is educate them on how to make a buying decision, other than price. So, one of my very first things my consumer awareness guide for carpet cleaning is “Read this guide, and you’ll discover how to avoid 4 carpet cleaning rip-offs, 6 costly misconceptions about carpet cleaning, 8 mistakes to avoid when choosing a carpet cleaner. 7 questions ask to ask a carpet cleaner before you invite him into your home, the difference between value and price, how to get your carpet cleaner to 100% guarantee their work. Blah blah blah. With this information, you can an intelligent, informed decision.”

Well, as soon as someone read my consumer awareness guide, I was giving them value on the spot and teaching them how to make a buying decision. And now, between me and you, Dean, we have taught tens of thousands of entrepreneurs all over the world how to use education-based marketing; you in real estate, me in carpet cleaning. And then as an offshoot, through my Nightingale-Conant programs and through various speeches and things that me and you’ve done for many years, we basically are teaching people how to create value on the spot in a selling environment, with many people that may never even do business with them. But the point is take that sort of idea and think of yourself as constantly giving people.   Here’s a funny thing. Take I Love Marketing. The suggestions are free, the only way they’re going to cost you is if you don’t use them.

Dean: Right.

Joe: they’re going to cost you money, if you don’t use them. They’re free; the suggestions are free. We give them to you all day long. And actually, I get great joy out of it. And people that always try to keep everything close, “Oh, I don’t want to tell my trade secrets,” oh, Jesus, you don’t got any trade secrets. If you want to figure something out, do a search on Google to find out anything. Figure out how to freaking build a house, fix a plumbing leak or build a bomb. You can find anything out in a matter of seconds. “Oh, I’ve got a great idea, it’s going to be the next Google.” Really? Okay, good. Tell everybody about it; you might get someone to support you on it. Anyway, I’m having a tangent and a little, getting pissy here because I’m supposed to be…

Dean: No, it’s great. What’s #9?

Joe: #9 is get as close to in-person as you can. Get away from electronic friends. Not that you shouldn’t use electronics, because electronics are ways that you can connect with people. But really connect with people, don’t just send them an email, don’t just do a post. Literally, call them on the phone or do a personal video, or do a personal audio, or send someone a personal note. And when I say personal, I mean not a form letter. I mean make it personal. If the person is important, then connect with them.

Dean: You got me started on that. More than anybody I know, you send audio. Rather than type out an email message, you’ll record something and text it to me, and it’s different then. It’s a different experience, because you hear your voice and it’s more personal. Or you’ll send a video, where you’ll just record a video talking right to me. That’s something.   Tony Robbins does that same thing, whenever he sends an email. It’s like audios.

Joe: Yeah. For me, it’s faster. Secondly, it’s really freaking cool, and it really shows that you’re thinking about the person. As an example, I just got done doing a platinum training in Pittsburgh with my professional cleaners that are in our highest level group for my clients in that industry. One of the things that I told everyone to do is to start an I Love Marketing meet-up group in their own town. We’ll talk about this on a future I Love Marketing call. I won’t take a lot of time talking about it here. I’ll just kind of give the highlights.

One person there, Andrew David, who’s also a BNI guy in Florida, he actually immediately went to meetup.com and set up a meet-up group for I Love Marketing. I told all of my people, I said, “Here, here’s the reason I want you to do this. It’s because we’ve got all this curriculum on I Love Marketing that people can listen to and get educated about direct response marketing and a variety of subjects.” Anyone that listens to this already has a bigger future. You all have a bigger future, and you want to learn how to be better at marketing, and you’re already great at marketing, and you all have paid me to learn marketing because we do these in-person sort of meetings.

We’ve got these great episodes and series and curriculum of some of the best marketing information out there. And anytime anything new comes down the pipe, we’re here. We were one of the first people to actually put out educational information on using Google Plus. Right after it came out, I interviewed someone and immediately put it on I Love Marketing. Basically, we’ve got all this stuff, and you will accelerate the speed of your learning and using marketing if you’re teaching it to other people. And I’m not even going to tell you to go and teach anything, per se, new. I just want you to facilitate a discussion group with other marketers. So, start I Love Marketing meet-up groups and just do them in your town.   

We’ve now got my clients in different cities throughout the United States setting up I Love Marketing meet-up groups, recommending that people go to I Love Marketing and listen, and then show up at the meetings with opportunities, challenges and problems that they have. So that they can have a sounding board of other people that love marketing, that are interested in marketing, talking about it. I would recommend the same thing to anyone listening to this. If you really want to go deep with the whole subject of marketing, use the curriculum that we have here on I Love Marketing, start a meet-up group, start a discussion group. And the mere fact that you’re facilitating it is going to position you. You’ll be able to develop joint ventures that way. You’ll be able to develop some great connections in your community. It’ll probably result in moneymaking for you. And, if nothing else, you’re going to meet some really cool people that have the same interest in the fascinating subject of marketing.

And, of course, I love that, Dean would love it, because it’s just getting more people exposed to the stuff that we actually are talking about on these. Anyway, bringing it back to the magic rapport formula, get as close to a person at you can, I recorded videos for my clients in the cleaning industry. So they’re going to send out invitations that’ll have a video from me explaining what I Love Marketing is, how to get the most out of the I Love Marketing group. And the first ones to actually start it, Bob Runyon and Andrew David, I actually recorded videos for them today, that they can share with everyone that they’re inviting to their meet-up group. How long did it take me to do that? It took me like 5 minutes. But you know what? It makes a big difference to them. I could have just sent out a generic video, which I recorded one also, that’s going to the entire group; because, obviously, canand- clone and get as much out there as I can, like we teach. But at the same time, I wanted to acknowledge the people that started it from the very beginning.   

To whatever degree I can do this, I will do that. Can you get to everyone? No. I wish I could personally go and respond to every comment on I Love Marketing as do you, but we can’t. The point is we do the best we can, and we have to gauge in value who we can respond to and who we can’t. It goes back to the Bill Cosby thing. I think he’s like, “I don’t know the secret of happiness, but I do know the secret of unhappiness.” I’m not sure if I’m saying it right. “I don’t know the best way to be happy, but I do know a guaranteed way to be unhappy, and that’s try to please everybody.” You certainly can’t please everybody. You certainly can’t respond to everybody. However, get as close as you can to the person. Phone, video, audio, etc., take photos with them, create value for them. Paul Zane Pilzer is an example. When I first met him, I didn’t have a tremendous amount of time. A couple years ago, I met him at Sundance, in Utah, and I didn’t have a lot of time to really talk with him. We had a ride in an elevator, we talked for a little bit. I remembered some people that he knew, and I brought that up in order to build rapport.

Then, Dan Sullivan created a thing called the Multiplier Mindset, and one of the cards, he has 50 cards of what he considers the greatest entrepreneurial thinkers, and one of them is of Paul Pilzer sort of law that Dan came up with. I remember shooting a video with Dan and emailing that to Paul Zane Pilzer, because he’d given me his email. But what’s kind of funny is I now have him speaking at my event, but I had photos with him a couple of years ago. Now, when we send out the invitation, I actually include, on the invitation, a picture with me and Paul, because it shows linkage. So, you never know when you’re going to be able to use photos and stuff like that. But the point is get close to people. There’s a lot more ideas that I could go into, Dean, but I think we’re kind of bundling up against me already going over time, so I should probably shut up.   

Dean: I can’t tell you, it’s been a delight to listen.

Joe: I have a good friend in Toronto named Jerr, who’s a former Make-A-Wish kid, who me and him are working on a lot of stuff with the Make-A-Wish Foundation. We meet with the CEO of Make-A-Wish with you, up there, and we’re doing stuff together. And I do want to also acknowledge him, because he creates a tremendous amount of value for me by going through all my stuff, constantly complementing me. This guy actually thinks I’m much greater than I think of myself, which is it’s kind of funny. At the same time, we have a pretty good partnership, because we share ideas back and forth. We’re kind of on the same page with interests in the same area of marketing, the same area of how to actually contribute without doing it in a ridiculously fake way that many “philanthropic” organizations attempt to do.

A lot of stuff that people do is cosmetic. You can go out and give, but it’s very cosmetic, meaning it’s not real. Everything that I’m talking about, do your best to make it real. Sometimes in life, you fake it till you make it. If you’re not confident but you need an environment where you’re going to look confident, you do your best to be confident. If you’re scarred shitless of asking someone out, you kind of suck it up and do your best not to show the fear. So, I’m not suggesting that everyone’s going to be perfect here. What I’m suggesting is a lot of times you’re not going to be good at all at doing this stuff. But the point is the way to get better at it is to keep doing it, and really focus on just being sincere, though. There’s a lot of insincerity in the world. There’s a lot of bullshit artists in the world.

And if you’ve really develop a specific skill, if you really can help people, if you can really reduce suffering, be proud of that. Go out and share as much of it with the world as you can, and it will come back to you tenfold. Whoever came up with the quote, be it Zig Ziglar whatever, “You can get anything in life that you want, if you help enough people get what they want.” There is   a tremendous amount of truth to that and I’m happy to talk about this further. But hopefully, that was good. I’d love to here everyone’s comments on it. Cool man.

Dean: That was fantastic. I’m going to recommend that everybody print out the transcript of this episode particularly, and really study it, because I would use this as the checklist. It really is action items that you can really do and think about these things. How can you focus on how you help people or reduce their suffering? How can you invest time, money, and energy on relationships? Just go right down the list and really think deeply about how you can embody these. I think it’s been great just to listen, because I’ve witnessed all of this over all the years that I’ve know you. And now, to have it all formalized like this, it’s fantastic.

Joe: Thank you. Fabian Fredrickson really, by interviewing me, helped me even get more clear on it. JR, who’s constantly listening to my stuff and gives me feedback, gets me clear on it. You asking me about it allows me to get clearer in it. If you had someone interview you and you simply recorded it, it would give you some insight on what it is that you do. If there’s anything I’d love to have people do, one of the ways to develop magic rapport formula is set up a meet-up group and use this particular episode, and have a discussion with other people about doing it, just hearing other peoples perspectives. And like in 12-step groups, take what you like and leave the rest.

It’s kind of like there’s so much that can be discovered about connecting with people by actually going out and connecting. I hope with the little bit that I talked about with meet-up group; I’d love to have people out there start a I Love Marketing meet-up group in your area. And you can go to Meetup.com and set up a group and just do it. Use the curriculum that we have here as the talking points, as the jumping off points, as the diving board needed in order to get to the pool. But get into the pool and   build rapport, because that’s how you make things happen. You do it through other people that are aligned with your thinking, and make it happen.

Dean: Love it.

Joe: Awesome.

Dean: That’s what I was trying to say.

Joe: Yep, thank you very much.

Dean: All right everybody, talk to you next time.  

Dean grills joe about his unique networking approach Joe shares his Magic Rapport Formula 9 things you can do to win friends and influence people PLUS: The biggest difference between Joe and other people Download MP3 | Transcript